Did I eat Angelina Jolie's PBJ? Why yes I did...

I learned early on in my career as a charter pilot that it is not a good idea to eat leftover catering. But as a wise man, Justin Beiber, once said, never say never.


My first brush came after a long day of flying, when we flew through a couple of meal times. If you have a good dispatching department, they have food waiting for you at one of your stops. There may be time to eat it between flights, or during cruise. Since we don't have that category of flight support at my company, us pilots normally fend for ourselves. On this day, we had no time and no food. As we dropped off our last passengers, there was a left over cheese plate. The plastic wrap had been opened, but they hadn't hardly touched it. Being a fan of cheese, I picked out a couple of pieces from the back, and ate them to tide me over until we could get to a restaurant. Somewhere during the drive, I realized my mistake. Since I care little about my appearance when I'm on the road, I pulled over and reversed the mistake. Once the offending queso had left the danger zone, I felt 100% better, lesson learned. And at that moment, I vowed to never eat another's leftovers again.


Not long after, we had a similar food schedule. This time, after dropping our passengers, I was putting the airplane to bed for the day, while the other guy I fly with straightened up the cabin. There was a pizza box in back with one leftover piece in it. He offered it to me. After my cheese experience, I passed. He proceeded to eat it. I looked back at him a few moments later, to see the piece of pizza he was eating had a piece of gum (ABC) stuck to it. I stopped him moments before it was consumed. We both turned slightly green, and never spoke of it again.


Which brings me to Angelina Jolie. Her airplane followed us into San Francisco one evening. I just happened to notice her getting off her airplane as I was getting off mine. She's a very attractive women. Who's not good looking getting off of a private jet, right ladies? She was whisked away by her driver, and I didn't think much of my brush with fame. We walked into the office at about the same time as her crew. They were carrying a tray of PBJ sandwiches. 


"Do you guys want one of Angelina Jolie's sandwiches?" they politely offered.


"Why yes, yes we do." (my kids watch a lot of Phineas and Ferb)


They were very tasty. The kind of peanut butter and jelly and white bread that only the super wealthy and famous could afford. And yet I had no milk...


Thanks for the advise, Beiber.

Why "Captain Pretentious?"

Several years ago we hired an "experienced" pilot. Experienced sometimes means "can't fit in anywhere, so jumps from job to job, expecting each new job to conform to expectations, but ultimately quitting by leaving in the middle of the night, and letting the Chief Pilot know by sending an e-mail at 2:00 in the morning." Just saying "experienced" is a lot shorter. This pilot, who we'll call Bob, since I can't remember his name (I'm terrible with names), insisted on being called "Captain." At first, I laughed. Then I realized he was serious. So I laughed again.


At an airline, they are very formal, and call each other Captain if they are a Captain, and if they're not, they call them something else. I don't know what that is, I've never flown for an airline. When I fly into an airport where my name is not known, people will call me and other pilots, "Captain." In this case, it is the aviation equivalent of "dude."


So when Bob decided that his subordinates, which turned out to be everyone, should call him "Captain," I thought it was great. For a laugh. Remember the scene in Spies Like Us, where they're pretending to be doctors, and walk into the tent with the other doctors, and go through the whole greeting process, "Doctor," "Doctor," and so forth? Well now I felt obligated to repeat that scene every time I ran into another pilot. "Captain," "Captain," "Captain." It could go on for minutes.


At about that time I needed a login name for a program that we no longer use. I had just mentioned how pretentious I thought the whole title thing was, and it came to me. Captain Pretentious. Now whenever I need a name for something unimportant, I use it.


Disclaimer- I do not use Captain Pretentious as a login for any financial websites.

Welcome to my World

I live a bit of an unusual life. I fly a corporate jet for a living, which is a lifestyle little understood by those who haven't done it. I get to see the world from a very unique perspective, both from the air, as a pilot, and from the ground, as a professional tourist. I've been to all 50 states, and a good share of Canada. Been down to Mexico. We get to a lot of the same locations, so much so that I sometimes take a picture, look at it, and realize I've already taken the same picture before. And then we sometimes go to obscure places that are unique, and very few get to see. There will also be a log of regional food. And I love to travel, but...

 

I hate to leave home. I have a great family. We recently moved into a home that we built, and it has numerous projects to go. Our three kids keep us very busy at home, as well as all the other things that are important, such as civic and church duties. But mainly, I like to play. I was recently eliminated from my first big Ping Pong tournament. I play basketball three times a week.  I'm checking my twitter every 10 minutes to see if the NBA lockout may be over. Chances are, if you run into me at Costco, I'll be wearing a Celtics uniform. I'm a better than average disc golfer.And I'm into gadgets.

So the purpose of this blog then is not really one thing, but a way for me to share with others the journey I go through in life. If you find it interesting, great. I hope so. If not, at the very least, my kids can find out where I am when I leave for days at a time. Gotta go. The Office is coming on.